I’m Still Here: A DSP Experience That Hit Close to Home

So, I haven’t worked since 2003. It took a while, but a few years after that last job, I was approved for disability. In late spring 2024, I started to look for work again. I wanted a job as an in-home caregiver, but I don’t drive, and that made finding this particular job difficult. What I did find was an excellent company that desperately needed DSPs. DSP is a Direct Support Professional or caregiver. I trained with them for almost a month and was genuinely enthusiastic and loved the job. Some of it was going to be a challenge, I was there to face them, though.

I was on time every day, focused, attentive, participated, and a model worker for my role. My job was helping adults get through their day and watching for seizures. I need to respect the clients’ privacy, and their stories are not like mine. They had struggles that were similar to mine but far more severe and from a different cause than mine.

As mentioned, I love training for this individual’s DSP role, but I had no idea how hard it would be when I was the only support staff member caring for them. It was my first solo shift; I was doing okay but struggling. In the last hours of the shift, the client had a life-threatening event. I handled myself well, did all I reasonably could, and kept my composure for the last few hours of that shift. But when my shift was over, my tremors were so bad I could barely handle my phone.

A few hours later, I was able to call and quit that job. I had to for my and the client’s safety.

I learned a lot about my disability from that experience. The most important lesson I discovered is that I am still disabled with PTSD, and I still have panic attacks. I realized that some of what I went through in childhood had physiological effects that I can never change, like why my hands shake when I try to do things like soldering a circuit board.

Okay, so here is the point of this story: I am still here, doing my best to contribute to this world. I want to contribute; I always have.

This site relaunch is an attempt to lessen my load on welfare and provide benefits to my demographic.